(without losing your confidence, motivation or indeed sanity)
This page has some initial thoughts on adding a weight management goal to your coaching programme. For a very long time I have avoided this area in coaching, for reasons that will become apparent as you read on (see the section on why weight Loss methods contain the seeds of their own destruction).
However I am now including this area for clients who want to work on this.
#1 Why Most Weight Loss Methods Contain The Seeds Of Their Own Destruction
*A calorie is not a calorie (see Blade Runner episode). Could add the list from Marc David’s book
*Diets etc are all built on body hatred. Your body will not tolerate being despised in this way. It has a very powerful ally in Cavebrain which will sabotage every single calorie counting, scale watching day you embark on this fool’s errand. In the same way that a parent cannot continually put down and criticise their child then expect to produce a fully functioning human being who flourishes, do not even try to hate and shame your body into shedding the excess fat.
*The term weight loss is the linguistic equivalent of punching yourself on the arm hard in order to improve your handwriting.
Why? 2 reasons.
A) Focusing on a number on the scale is a way of trying to secure constant feedback for the fool’s errand called hating your body into change. There are so many ways that this backfires: increasing muscle replaces fat but increases weight, pathologising normal hormonal changes that create natural weight fluctuations, and most of all the massive effect that a minimal increase in weight on the scale can have for your motivation and mindset.
B) We use the word loss for negative and unhappy events: it’s not great to lose money, your car keys or your beloved grandmother. Isn’t it odd then that the one thing millions (and probably billions) of people crave - being thinner - is expressed by the term weight loss....?
#2 Shapeshifting, Not Weight Loss
We have talked about how focusing on a number on the scale is a surefire route to failure.
We need to replace not just ‘weight loss’ but *any* phrase using the word ‘weight’ with a focus on shapeshifting.
Let me ask you a question.
When you reach the ideal shape that you crave, will it be your scales that are rocking the skinny jeans? That can feel more confident at work? The scales that will feel lighter and have less health worries?
No, it will be you.
Swap the weigh in addiction for a far more realistic measurement of your shapeshifting: your clothes.
#3 The Two Key Foundations For Successful Shapeshifting
At the moment I have formulated the foundational pieces of Shapeshifting that kill the self sabotage as...
A - The movement from body hatred to body acceptance
B - The movement from being the passive container of stress to actively reducing and processing it.
In spite of the transformative work I do with clients, I have seen so many of them still wedded to the scales, still craving a smaller dress size as a backdoor way to flee their imperfect selves.
Therefore it is time to face these two obstacles head on. BTW I do not believe that shapeshifting requires a stress-free life. What it does require is an active intolerance for unneccessary stress.
#4 What Are You Actually Willing To Change In Order To Shapeshift?
My son Tom is always asking me “Is food X healthy?” I can see the doubt and confusion that crosses his face when I tell him that no, margarita pizza is not healthier than meaty feast.
We are all a bit like Tom.
We all want change without having to do the work to a certain extent. Tom wants a healthy pizza that is still loaded with cheese. We would all like the results without the effort.
Loads of fake gurus online know this and spout utter crap like ‘It all comes down to your mindset’ or ‘Everything will change when you decide to commit’. Yes, mindset and commitment *are* helpful. But these are big, vague terms that we can get hyped up about in a desperate fit of escaping ourselves. Mindset and commitment are more than the one time payment of $997.
A much more useful way to think about your readiness for change is to challenge yourself with the following questions:
*Are you willing to carve out 60 - 90 minutes a day for this? Because that is probably what you will need (see below for details). When exactly will you do the 60-90 minutes? What are you willing to go without for this?
*Are you willing to do daily scripting and theta work, even when you don’t feel like it?
*Are you willing to increase the intensity of your physical activity (or start doing activity if you are not at the moment)? How might you measure the increased intensity?
*Are you willing to try out new habits for 14 days that make you feel uncomfortable? For example, look at yourself in a mirror quickly and say “I accept what I look like”?
*Are you willing to get rid of your scales, at least temporarily?