I see chaotic eating (what you have up to this point called binge eating) or compulsive eating as a metronome:
You believe that chaotic eating is the expression of your awfulness. I believe it is your Inner Food Rebel trying to stand up for you. Like a teenager who is fed up with being bullied at school, she doesn’t call Childline, but instead starts a fire at school - because nobody ever told her there was a better way:
How does this land for you?