Here is a useful way to deal with your own negative feelings (frustration, self pity, anger, confusion) about your perceived lack of progress when it comes to lessening your chaotic eating.
You probably see the process of reclaiming your life from food as going from A (chaotic eating and whatever other issues such as body confidence ) to B (whatever you defined in our coaching as your goals).
When you committed to coaching, or even just had the desire to change, you did a magic trick that most human beings are very good at, and love doing.
That magic trick is imagining point B.
It’s magic because you leapfrog all the discomfort of the journey from A to B.
Of course no change or human innovation would be possible without this leapfrog move. We need something exciting to focus on.
The problem is that the leapfrog move is chronically overrated as the major tool for change. The Internet is fair groaning under the weight of inspirational quotes such as
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” - Napoleon Hill
Of course your point B daydreams take no account of your resistance to change, which we can imagine as a big ROAD A to B CLOSED sign blocking your path. This resistance is more powerful than your daydreams, and so what most people do (who are not in this coaching programme) is take the diversion road. This road is in fact a dead end that leads only to the palace of chaotic eating, inappropriate guilt and body hatred...then on to another magic pill programme or diet that has yet another A to B solution, all ready to fail you again.
Your job when you see the ROAD A to B CLOSED sign is to ignore it.
There are different tools within this programme for overcoming your resistance:
Baby steps such as 5 minute commitment
Nutritional changes to balance mood swings (which turn your resistance into an immoveable object)
Accept and Allow affirmations
In this page I want to give you a reframe of the A to B path, in order to to set your expectations right and reduce your frustration.
Here are some facts about the A to B path:
***It is Actually the A to C Path***
C, not B, is in fact the glorious destination. In between A and C you have to pass through point B which is The City of Resistance. Population 7 billion (because every human being feels it at some point).
So when you are feeling frustrated, when you eat chaotically, when you feel despair, it does not mean the A to C road is impassable, it just means you are passing through point B - resistance.
Just like the most confusing roads in a new city, even though it feels like you are often going in circles, there is actually a way out of The City of Resistance and onto the road to point C. It just takes longer than you hoped.
If you were lost in a strange city and frustrated, what would help you?
Taking a breath
Accepting the situation is imperfect
Accepting it will take longer than you planned
Gratitude - this is a good problem to have. You are lucky to be able to travel and point C is definitely worth the journey.
***You will need to pass through The City of Resistance multiple times***
***The more times you accept the city of resistance exists, the easier it is to navigate it***
This interview will inspire you if you are fighting the above fact
***Point C is imperfect***
It contains imperfect eating, stress, cravings all the challenges of modern life. When you reach point C, you may find yourself taking daytrips to The City of Resistance. The difference between point A and C is at C that you have a whole host of mental, emotional and practical tools to keep the imperfection from running riot and affecting your sense of self.
***Point B can be a treasure trove of valuable information***
Why am I not using my gym membership? Do I feel victimised by my childhood? And if so, what perceived hidden benefits does that victim identity claim to confer on me? Am I scared of eating slowly because I don’t want to be alone with myself? Why?
We can and should investigate our resistance.
You have been sold a lie by most personal development gurus as well as vast swathes of the diet and wellness industries: that change is a smooth linear path from A to B, a path paved with uniform, pleasure free, often unsustainable strategies. There is no room for food rebels on this path.
So when things are not going to plan, just remember you are taking a detour through point B - The City of Resistance.